Remarkable phrase isn’t? Get out of your comfort zone! Yeah I have been hearing this exact same phrase for almost 2 years from all my female friends’ mouth. They say I need to get out of my comfort zone and find someone to hang out with or someone a little bit more serious than that, that maybe if I get this everything else in my life will just have more sense.Translating some articles found this analysis about this same kind of situation, and the view that a psychologist from Argentina gives to it, and I thought it was a quit interesting way to view this subject.
The concept of “comfort zone” is a behavioral state where individuals get trapped and forbid themselves to experience any strong emotions, nor fear nor love passion or excitement of any kind. Apparently the source of this mental state comes from the social conditioning experiences that we get trough our lives. Fear to get punished, fear to be rejected, and fear to be embarrassed. So many people fall into this for the same idea that we are not alone on this society and we like it or not we have to get along with people. We do not like to be alone, is just human nature and we just have to understand that some might like everything from you are, some just parts of you, and other will not simply like you at all, end of the story.
But apparently my friends were right, and I did was inside of a comfort zone because of a really long list of bad experiences, and I have created for myself my own safe space and was kind of lost in it.
During therapy, I was supposed to create a list of the things I wanted to get in life, but to the surprise of my doctor, but not to me of course because I have always thought since puberty that I will always be alone, between all the things listed there was no sign of a husband or someone to share my life with. Of course by that time, I was really disappointed about men, extremely concentrated in my work, and there was no way in hell that the word husband, boyfriend or lover could appear in my radar. Because I tough for years that I was simply unlikable, although everyone said I was gorgeous, and hoping for something that will never happen was just a waste of time for me.
But reading a couple of articles, I found some pretty interesting appreciations about the concept of how finding a lover can somehow improve you life, and how to find your way out of a comfort zone. For example, for that Argentinian psychologist a lover is “That thing make us passionate”, that inspire us, that occupies our mind before we go to sleep or do not let us sleep at all. That the perfect lover is that person that transports us away from everything. But the most amazing part of this article was that this doctor says that a lover could be absolutely everything in this world, not only someone who works as your couple, but it could be the character of a book, music, work, soul search, friendship, enjoying what you eat or drink, studying or anything that can produce you an obsessive passion for something. Well if that is true, then I think I have been on a really passionate relationship with the perfect love of my life for the last 10 years. For those who know me personally and are reading this post, you are probably saying who is he, when are we going to meet him? Well sorry to disappoint you, but my perfect lover is not a “HE”, but in fact MYSELF. I have made me smile and fall in love with life every single day in the past 10 years, and I also have a long list of lovers, my work, music, my friends, and someone called Kellan Kyle that I met in a book called “Thoughtless”.
Well falling the advice of my friends and trying to help me get out of that comfort zone and all the shitty chatty people say to you, I have been dating a few guys. I have tried with guys that are not the usual type of guys I hang out with and frequent events that are not the usual things I used to frequent, thinking that maybe if I change and give an opportunity to different things I might find something that invites me to get out of my comfort zone.
Well the experience so far have gave me the funniest and strangest stories that I have had in a couple of years, but also gave me a lot of good ones. To start I realized that if I want to be safe, I should handle my anxiety better, because when I find someone I really like I go from regular idiot to not having a brain at all. Truth, once for being like stupid thinking about one of the guys whom I taught was absolutely hot and found him absolutely fascinating, I almost got run over by a motor bike hehe.
The second thing, and believe was the best one, I realize how wrong I have been over the past 10 years or more, is not that I am unlikable, is that apparently too likeable and the idiots I used to hang out with were simply too afraid too come closer, thing that I find amazingly funny and fascinating, because I know that I am not a monster, but I am not either that much as for people to feel afraid to get closer or am I?. Anyway, I also realized, that I cause some sort of fascinating charm in people, that sometimes is good and sometimes just freaks me out and I have to learn to control a little bit more that part.
I also realized how much I love to work, and although my freelancer job is absolutely amazing and very rewarding, I love to be surrounded by people and working as a freelancer sometimes makes you feel a little isolated.
The adventure have been fascinating, and have helped me find out things I had not realized in years, and think I will continue to work on it, because it has certainly help me step out from part of my comfort zone and open new paths and fascinating ideas for me.Interesting isn’t it? So, ARE YOU READY TO STEP OUT OF THAT COMFORT ZONE? because I certainly am. Share you experiences and let me know what you think right here bellow.